The truth is... you reminded me why I love music. Thank you for SHARING music with me.
Let me explain. Here is an overview of my relationship with music for the last couple of weeks.
Music has taken over most of my life. I love it.
Music has taken over most of my life. I hate it.
I am still pushing to finish my PhD, and I am in lab every day, some evenings, and yes weekends. In fact, I just finished a Saturday morning meeting with my boss (technically advisor, but boss is a more appropriate term nowadays). Some weeks are very stressful, with multiple meetings, deadlines, and presentations. Not to mention I work in a male-dominated field which adds another layer of stress.
I spend nearly all of my time away from the chemistry lab working on music (practicing, networking, playing shows, etc.).
I have found that some of my friends now start conversations with, 'I know you are super busy, but..' I do struggle sometimes to give enough time to the people that mean a lot to me. I try very hard to show my appreciation for people I care about, but I don't always succeed.
OK, so maybe I can take some things off of my plate.
In my mind, I don't have much of an option when it comes to spending any less time on chemistry research. A friend of mine said recently, just Master out. ... I said, 'I already have my Masters in Chemistry... you can't get two!' Really though, I have worked far too hard not to finish, and I still enjoy chemistry.
Maybe I could spend less time on music. If I only played at home, I could avoid all of the set-up tear-down time and travel time. But I love playing out and sharing music with others. Also, in order to get my original music heard though, I have to play out... a lot. I have started to push and my band, The Kelsey Miles Band (KMB) has several gigs lined up for this fall which I am looking forward to and I really enjoy playing with Pat, Ben and Scott. I have also played some solo acoustic shows.
The last couple of weeks have been hellacious. I couldn't shake the stress from my research/meetings with my boss/interviews with potential jobs and I carried it with me to practice and gigs. I haven't been able to emotionally connect to the music like I once did. My emotional capacity is at an all time low.
But then that one fan reminded me why I love music. Thank you. Let me walk you through a scenario.
A typical solo acoustic act is a lot work. I pack my SUV full of speakers, cables, mic stands, speaker stands, lights, guitars, etc. and drive to the venue. While unpacking and setting up, I think about everything else I could be doing. I cycle through thoughts of how I haven't done laundry in two weeks, haven't talked to my brother in months, and how I really could use a night in with some wine and sweatpants... alone... or with a cat... that seems appropriate. I'm thinking of all of this while I put on a smile and lug my large speakers around - sometimes I get help from people in the bar.. you have no idea how nice that is when you ask if I need help. Thanks.
The stress from the week has made it literally impossible for me to keep the lyrics and chord progressions of 40 cover tunes straight, so I have to get support from my lyric book, which I hate using because there is no way I can connect fully with a song if I have to be reminded of lyrics. I start performing in my wearied state and recognize how I am working while you are enjoying your beer/wine/dinner and talking with friends or your significant other. I'm happy for you, really, but I am a little jealous. In the mix of covers I add my originals and watch the bar respond. Tapping feet and nodding heads make me smile. I do enjoy giving, and I am so glad you are enjoying it, but after a long week of giving to my long research hours - I have less to give this gig. And then there is that one fan, and on lucky nights several fans that help me remember why I started playing out live in the first place. They pay attention and sometimes sing along with me. I acknowledge them with eye contact. You may not know it, but I pay attention to the songs you seem to like more, and I will change my set list and try to play songs you might also like.
I started playing out live because I wanted to share my music with others... not give to others... not keep for myself... but SHARE. One of the best feelings in the world is to feel connected to music with someone. Thank you dear fans who share music with me. And when my set is over and you come up to talk to me - you have made the evening more special to me than you know. Because of you, I will lug around speakers, sing until I'm hoarse, and play no matter how tired and worn down I am. Thank you for sharing a night of music with me.
Music has taken over most of my life. I love it!
-Kelsey
Email me at thekelseymilesband@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you.
