Finding the light

Our last full band show of 2017 was at the Crystal Corner in Madison, WI. It was a great night, and I got to share some of my newest songs. 

Well, I finished graduate school successfully. I had a lot of support from friends and family which helped me push through the end. After graduate school I focused on gigging around the midwest and have enjoyed sharing my music with people from all walks of life. 

One of my more recent songs, Finding the Light (lyrics and video link below), is about my transition from a sole focus on chemistry and spending much of my focus on music. I found myself trying to focus on chemistry since I had spent 11 years in school honing my lab skills and knowledge about this subject. However, I found that I wasn't being true to myself. Of course, being a musician has its own challenges, but it makes me feel alive.

My favorite part of performing live is connecting with people. I believe music has an amazing ability to help you cope with whatever is going on in your life, and if at every show I can connect with at least one person, then it's been a really successful gig. Although I do believe that I can make a difference in the world with chemistry, this musical journey has shined a light far too bright for me to ignore. 

Be bold. Be curious. Be you!

Kelsey

Here is the link to listen to a live version of Finding the Light.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvOw76WDuVQ

Finding the Light

Written by Kelsey Miles 

My life's burning at both ends

Working too many hours to try and forget

Eleven years of my life wasted on my pride

Building a castle for a dream that was never mine

But I knew regret was too hard to swallow
So I kept my head down and lived a live I borrowed
One day I wrote to the world, I lost my faith in the sun
That very day, I turned a page, and now I'm on chapter 1

Follow the light that destiny shines on you
No comprise, when you’re searching for your truth
Comfort is easy to choose, but do you feel alive?
I'd give it up, I'd give it up every time

Well nobody warned me of the fight I would face

I'm still working too many hours and I have my dark days

One day I wrote to the world, I lost my faith in the sun
That very day, I turned a page, and now I'm on chapter 1

Follow the light that destiny shines on you
No comprise, when you’re searching for your truth
Comfort is easy to choose, but do you feel alive?
I'd give it up, I'd give it up every time

I can feel it coming

I can feel it coming

I can feel it coming

I can feel it coming

Follow the light that destiny shines on you
No comprise, when you’re searching for your truth
Comfort is easy to choose, but do you feel alive?
I'd give it up, I'd give it up every time

I'd give it up, I'd give it up for my new life

I'd give it up, I'd give it up every time

I will finish. I promised my mother I would.

 29 today. If you would have asked me 5 years ago where I would be, this would not be it. I was on track to go to UW-Madison to obtain my PhD and directly after graduation I planned to apply for a professorship in Chemistry. I wanted to run my own research group, teach young chemists, and apply for grants. I will fully reflect on this probably in a few years from now, but I want to share something at the forefront of my thoughts. After 11 years of studying chemistry, I have made a conscious decision to switch careers.  After I graduate in September 2017, my main career focus will be music.

Around September through November 2016 I was starting to become quite unhappy and feeling very unfulfilled in my work with chemistry. I had gone through phases before, but not like this. Naturally I entered a depression, but I was still functioning. My band was doing pretty well. We had a few gigs lined up and were starting to create a cohesive unit. Performing was the one thing that made me feel at home. On stage I don't judge myself. I serve the music and the emotion that comes with it, and it feels natural. My Mom told me recently that I always liked the spotlight. In December 2016 I went on a little trip up to northern WI with a friend of mine. We day drank and met a lot of new people and my brain got to settle. I experienced some inner silence and then I could hear it. I could hear myself yelling 'RUN'. I could hear myself yelling 'Do what you love' and the most important thing I heard was, 'Stop worrying about what others will think if you attack this dream. You are good at it. You enjoy it. You will regret it if you don't commit.' Was it my heart talking? I don't know, but it was really fucking loud. There was no partial commitment here. I told the Universe that I was doing it and that I was going to figure it out. Side note: If you were one of the people that told me to go for it and pursue this dream. You were right. Thanks. 

Things started to take off since I made that decision. A couple of highlights: my band was nominated for a Wisconsin Area Music Industry Award for New Artist of the Year and we are playing the nomination party, my band now has 2 recurring gigs a month, I started a video series called Music Miles where I share music and stories with others, I started my first Music Miles LIVE venue for original music only, and I just booked my first Music Miles LIVE house concert. This new life of mine is taking a shape of it's own. I just keep doing what I love and then I adapt as opportunities arise. There is no better feeling than sharing music with someone and developing a deeper connection because of it. I feel so blessed that I've had the opportunity to experience this.

I can't wait to look back at this post in 5 years. I wonder what headspace I will be in then. One thing is for sure, I won't regret a single moment here. I am learning so much daily. I am in tune with my inner voice. The one thing that gets exhausting is living two lives. Musician at night and chemist by day. The musician side takes up a lot more energy now since I made the decision to pursue that. Trying to navigate through the chemistry dimension to graduate is a challenging journey on its own, but trying to start your own entertainment business and personal brand while trying to graduate is more extreme. I'm trying to do my best to not let that stress me out. I have racked up a lot of good chemistry and I have learned so much from this journey. I do not regret my time in graduate school. I am so close and just need to put my head down and push forward and finish. I will finish. I promised my mother I would. 

That one fan...

 

The truth is... you reminded me why I love music. Thank you for SHARING music with me.

Let me explain. Here is an overview of my relationship with music for the last couple of weeks.

Music has taken over most of my life. I love it.

Music has taken over most of my life. I hate it.

 I am still pushing to finish my PhD, and I am in lab every day, some evenings, and yes weekends. In fact, I just finished a Saturday morning meeting with my boss (technically advisor, but boss is a more appropriate term nowadays). Some weeks are very stressful, with multiple meetings, deadlines, and presentations. Not to mention I work in a male-dominated field which adds another layer of stress. 

I spend nearly all of my time away from the chemistry lab working on music (practicing, networking, playing shows, etc.).

I have found that some of my friends now start conversations with, 'I know you are super busy, but..' I do struggle sometimes to give enough time to the people that mean a lot to me. I try very hard to show my appreciation for people I care about, but I don't always succeed.

OK, so maybe I can take some things off of my plate.

In my mind, I don't have much of an option when it comes to spending any less time on chemistry research. A friend of mine said recently, just Master out. ... I said, 'I already have my Masters in Chemistry... you can't get two!' Really though, I have worked far too hard not to finish, and I still enjoy chemistry.

Maybe I could spend less time on music. If I only played at home, I could avoid all of the set-up tear-down time and travel time. But I love playing out and sharing music with others. Also, in order to get my original music heard though, I have to play out... a lot. I have started to push and my band, The Kelsey Miles Band (KMB) has several gigs lined up for this fall which I am looking forward to and I really enjoy playing with Pat, Ben and Scott. I have also played some solo acoustic shows.

The last couple of weeks have been hellacious. I couldn't shake the stress from my research/meetings with my boss/interviews with potential jobs and I carried it with me to practice and gigs. I haven't been able to emotionally connect to the music like I once did. My emotional capacity is at an all time low.

But then that one fan reminded me why I love music. Thank you. Let me walk you through a scenario.

A typical solo acoustic act is a lot work. I pack my SUV full of speakers, cables, mic stands, speaker stands, lights, guitars, etc. and drive to the venue. While unpacking and setting up, I think about everything else I could be doing. I cycle through thoughts of how I haven't done laundry in two weeks, haven't talked to my brother in months, and how I really could use a night in with some wine and sweatpants... alone... or with a cat... that seems appropriate. I'm thinking of all of this while I put on a smile and lug my large speakers around - sometimes I get help from people in the bar.. you have no idea how nice that is when you ask if I need help. Thanks.

The stress from the week has made it literally impossible for me to keep the lyrics and chord progressions of 40 cover tunes straight, so I have to get support from my lyric book, which I hate using because there is no way I can connect fully with a song if I have to be reminded of lyrics. I start performing in my wearied state and recognize how I am working while you are enjoying your beer/wine/dinner and talking with friends or your significant other. I'm happy for you, really, but I am a little jealous. In the mix of covers I add my originals and watch the bar respond. Tapping feet and nodding heads make me smile. I do enjoy giving, and I am so glad you are enjoying it, but after a long week of giving to my long research hours - I have less to give this gig. And then there is that one fan, and on lucky nights several fans that help me remember why I started playing out live in the first place. They pay attention and sometimes sing along with me. I acknowledge them with eye contact. You may not know it, but I pay attention to the songs you seem to like more, and I will change my set list and try to play songs you might also like. 

I started playing out live because I wanted to share my music with others... not give to others... not keep for myself... but SHARE. One of the best feelings in the world is to feel connected to music with someone. Thank you dear fans who share music with me. And when my set is over and you come up to talk to me - you have made the evening more special to me than you know. Because of you, I will lug around speakers, sing until I'm hoarse, and play no matter how tired and worn down I am.  Thank you for sharing a night of music with me.

 Music has taken over most of my life. I love it!

-Kelsey

Email me at thekelseymilesband@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you.

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